I've never used "I" this many time before...

I love this part of the day more than night,more than twilight...dawn-when the light is a newborn...der's sumding mystic abt it,the first rays of the sun...I love to stare at the ceiling blankly den,feeling nuthing but myself...

I have always had a fascination for long corridors...where shadows moved and silence sang...Long sleepless nights still make me miss my old school chappell...

I totally believe in fairy tales,no matter how many times i get screwed up for it,hehe...
'Thoughtful eyes,shady smile,lost in d crowd,failing,losing, stil holding on,feeling evryding human,ultimately finding d meaning' nd oh,i love dis part"happily ever after"-d way in wich u feel content abt where u reached,no matter wat befalls...errr... nobody describes cindrella dis way???...watever,my cindrella is by no chance like d walt disney one...

I love rain...breezy drizzles getting heavy with wind howling over d top,sumtimes leaving me to stare idly,sumtimes tempting to wet myself till i shiver...I love beaches...the sand,d waves,d current,d wind,d power,d blue,d depth...but i dreadfully fear still,deep water...luk into it,nd those reflections dat evolve,cold nd dead...dey scare me,nd for a long time i fear closing my eyes...

I am a hopeless dreamer,white and black...dark and bright...good and bad...vanity and truth... i see al d shades,dream wid eyes wide open...nd i nevr giv dem an ending...wat if i lose dem if dey end...

I fear talking to ppl...may b,I listen to dem and respond,nd blabber a lot of non sensense occasionally(like nw),bt d ppl 2 whum am d most grateful in my life are dose whu walk away frm me wen i dnt knw wat to say... listening is not always about words...i knw it now...

Jealousy,selfishness,despair,anger,revenge,pain,adamance,longing-I seldom own up nd show dem but dey do exist,in astounding strengths...nd smtimes dey turn me evil...or stupid...or both...hehe

It has been an interesting journey,I found questions from answers ,learned,lost,pained,cried,shouted,laughed,screamed..a lots of things have changed,nevertheless certain things persists...err...identity???

To friends,family,friends,relations,family,friends,relations,friends,the mirror in my room,airtel nd yahoo,i raise a toast in d new year dawn(its jan 10th 2day,but d 'rite time' is mre imp dan jus 'time',aey?*wink,wink*)...

The river has to flow,i dread still water...may b it is changing direction...may b...

N.B:the post is dedicated to ma talent of making blue luk green...ugly betty luk pretty betty...hehe

The Pebbles Along The Shore....

Been ages....
They didnt look much intriguing...After all they were just pebbles,they were never sought out,never created for a purpose,they were born out of the random turbulence in the earth ages back.,polished by the land and the sea,their love and war-sometimes both and sometimes neither...
They were the pebbles along the shore...When did I realize I was walking over them?Of course not at the start of my stroll...Where they always there or was it only me not seeing them?
I was careful not to pick up the beautiful ones,I had by then lost faith in beauty...Some were still sharp...and they cut,but the blood didnt have the same colour as it used to have...and the pain,it didnt sting either...
When did I grow obssessed with them?not wanting to throw them away even when the shoulders ached...My arms were thin and the bag was heavy...What were they made of anyway?
What do I do with them now?stare at them as always?yes,they did sparkle...someone had told they didnt have life,may b they dont...coz they never fail to keep my secrets...
The crumpled lumps of hard sand...some broken,some lost...

PHENOMENAL WOMEN...By Maya Angelou...

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
The palm of my hand,
The need for my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

To My Alchemist....A bday wish...

never has life been so new,
nevr has it been so real,
nevr has life been so raw,
nevr has it been so truly mine,

but for each moment it made me cry,
each moment it made me laugh,
each moment it caused me to linger on,
and each moment it left me void,

why do i owe an ode to a little demon,
that "blessed be the moment thy were born"

SHE WAS...SILENCE...

Silence-she was alone wen he struck-the storm,how do v categorise him?a villian?a hero?no,he was neither,he was just the storm,he never hesistated,coz he was hollow within,he had nuthin 4 himself,but he had evryding to giv others...wen he was fierce the fury,the terror,the agony...wen he was calm the peace,the faith,the hope...
Silence-she loved colours,the dark,the bright,she nevr dreamt of being one,she caressed them without wanting to wear them,she forgot the million eclipses she hd seen wen she stood in the hue of a rainbow...then she knew she was beautiful coz it ws selfless....
She saw the colours coz he showed her dem;he showed her,
d dark ones-wen he was angry nd had killed many,she trembled in der vicious glare,but she touched dem cz she knew dey wer nuthin but colours,dey tasted venomous...
d musical ones-wen he returned after dancin,over d sea,over d mountains,she smiled at dem,dey tasted bright...
She knew she was blooming,for sumone tld her dat silence always reigned aftr storm,dat dey wer tied...she knew it was a lie cz she was always alone,no1 knew dat she existed,no1 knew her music cz she ws nt loud enuf...but stil she loved colours,more dan before,dey wer new to her nd she was new to dem...
Then it happened,at d dusk of d day,she told him dat al dose colours had a taste...he dint belive her,he dint want her to know dem more dan him...he nevr undrstud hw she cud taste dem wen he cud nly see dem...he ws strong but not enuf to break his own norms...
And den he walked away cz she ws not quiet nymore...
She wanted to scream,but she cudnt...coz she was silence...

SHADOW...

kiss my life off my lips,
wen its u even death wud b serene,
the pain ur givin me is killin me,
but if its for d pain ur givin me-
then dyin is beautiful...

d wings u gave me made me believe,
dat i cud fly til i breathed into hollow...
dat mundane is forgiven nd divine is forsaken,
dat u dnt hear voices,u dnt c trespassers,
ul jus know dat ur alive..dat ur alive..

den i began askin,to silence nd den to me,
wedr u really wer,or i saw a shadow?
frm my forlorn visions,wher nly shadows survived,
cz evrydin else ws jus too bright nd so,
i gave u a mind but nevr a face...

stil i hear a careless whisper-
"kiss my life off my lips..."
but wich im sure is nt frm me,
cz shadows dnt talk nd im one...
al dey do is believe...nd follow....

A PEN,FEW PAPERS AND A CRACK HEAD PART-3

Next morning to my surprise i didnt feel like an emotional fool,as I always use to the next day,after I cry.So this meant that there was something with the whole enterprise that seriously struck some chords within.The time ,till now has passed on quite normally,infact better than that,because I did whatever i planned to,and if you know me well,then u will also know why I make such a big deal about it.
So,now my imagination being the wild pelican it is(ya,pelican with larger beaks than you can ever imagine)is working out a conversation with her,if i were in her hostel now either lying upside down or performing somersaults in her bed,with her continous shoutings to warn me that she'l rip my head off if i dont stop acting childish because she hates it and for the same reason I love it…
Me:"Why the bloody hell,do I keep missing you whenever I feel something worthwhile happening in my life?It's ok,if i think of you in bad times,because i want to brood over my fate,act sulky and want to irritate someone,merely to lessen my despair with the saddistic pleasure of troubling a composed person,for which the best choice is you.But then why at the dead of the night,when i should be dreaming of some hunk was I thinking of you and that too without any obvious reasons?I'm either abnormally emotional or psychic or this entire friendship thing is becoming an emotional addiction for me or you are a seriously seducive scorpion,as you say about your starsign or is it a sunsign?"
She:"Pity on you,look at the reasons you'v come up with.All of them equally stupid and alienated to practical beings"
Me:"who told we are practical beings?"
She:"Oh,please!you might not be,but I'm.I dont evidently belive in all this intimacy things,though i show off at times,just for fun and send you some cheesy sms that too mislead by you.And who do you think you are?Paulo Coelho?"
Me:"Why,Paulo Coehlo likes jumping between two beds,like me doing now,completely ignoring the probability of slipping my leg and cracking my neck,just for the pleasure of feasting on your scowling face and angry glances?Wow,he's some adventurous man then.No wonder,you wanted to marry him,even at his eighties..."
She:Oh ya,do you hav any problem with it?You are such a pig.No point arguing with you.Get lost,I'v got better things to do."
Me:You get lost first and i'v got betterer things to do,and tell Sunu sorry from me for ruining her bed and that I'l clean it up for her."
She:And,mine?"
Me:tell your ....... to do it for you"
She:oh ya i will,you ....... , ....... & ........"
THE REST CLASSIFIED

The dialogues wernt pure fiction contrary to the d rest of d write up(autobiographical tinges certainly do add to d marketing values)And about the real reason behind this "roots calling"kind of write out .As usual i wanted someone to creatively express my inspirational woes which again wont survive this night.And who else in this whole wide world would be deranged enough to listen to all this crap other than her,digest it and talk as if I'm a genius or an idiot(depending on d choice of subject nd our existing moodswings)then quite effortlessly forget all about it after a tight night's sleep.But then why should I waste the rest of my night's sleep writing this trash about us(see,Im already feeling stupid),when I know very well that owing to my frequent moodswings and haughty nature & her ever changing ever fluctuating character and weird insights,this is going to be brutally laughed at and butchered into pieces,sooner or later...
Gosh,I do seriously miss her....dont I?Even if its for selfish reasons?......

P.S.courtesy-a diary entry sometime last May

nd d stuff is pretty made up nd exaggerated enuf to make it interestin wid nly slight resemblences to living characters...reality isnt dis glossy 4 sure...